flying without wings

I love running. There's something to it that makes it so addictive--and I just can't pinpoint it. Maybe it's the fact that it sets my mind free from all that I care about; maybe it's the fact that it makes me feel weightless; maybe it's the fact that it creates a new world before me, a spinning new vortex of words, images, and feelings. I don't know.

But this I do know: the sense of freedom is all I need to keep going. There's no restraint, no one to tell you that you're failing, no one to tell you that you can't do this or that. Each footstep upon asphalt turns into so much more than a dull rhythm; it sparks memories of memories long lost in my mind to come alive, stirring the imagination once more to build upon and entangle these images in a dancing, swirling haze of mysteries. 
I'm free.
I'm flying.

So wait, what are we here for anyways?

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence”

- Aristotle -

          There are countless questions that we face during our time on the earth. The meaning of our existence, no doubt, is the most-often debated and controversial question of all. People have spent their entire lives searching for such a meaning or to simply find a way to make life worthwhile. Like Solomon, many chase after things of this world only for temporary satisfaction yet seeking something that will last, but are repeatedly reminded that again, all is vanity. And just like them, we also chase for things that give us pleasure; we want to find something that can satisfy our desires, something to make us happy. We all want to be happy, don't we?

I think Aristotle's observation on happiness describes the truth about all of mankind quite aptly. There is no goal in life except to satisfy the desires of the heart. The happiness (no matter how temporary it is) of the individual becomes the sole priority. But if we leave it at that, we leave life to become exceedingly selfish. Yes, a lot of people are nice and want to spread the joy, but deep down, we all know that everyone wants to be happy. 

 Well, why not? Being happy is pretty awesome. But I think the difference between Christians and the rest of the world is that although we search for happiness, we don’t spend our entire lives looking for it. We don’t have to spend our lives searching for an answer because frankly we’ve already found it. We’ve been enslaved by our sins and been set free through Christ’s substitutionary death—the greatest gift the world has ever known. We never deserved it. Why then do we go around searching in this world for something that will satisfy when we know that nothing on this earth will ever end up satisfying us? I’m not saying that Christians should abandon a search for happiness; I just think they shouldn’t have to search for an answer in the first place. There’s a lot of joy that can be found outside of the Gospel (and definitely something that God has given to us to enjoy), but the basis of our happiness should be found first and foremost in what Christ has done for us.

My happiness isn’t my meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence; my purpose is to solely glorify Him who reigns above and to live exemplifying the wonders of His glorious Cross. Happiness is just a bonus. :)

lost without a cause

Time spins around me. I don't know what to think or feel anymore. This fire brings no comfort to the vast expanse of the pure emptiness of the night sky. The darkness envelops my thoughts-- thoughts that come uninvited, pulling, stretching, destroying. It is relentless as it slowly pulls my soul apart until finally all that I am is stripped away. I am left here only with my heart beating its deadly and monotonous rhythm.

Oh how I ache for sunlight. 
Oh how I ache for the dawn.

identity crisis--- WHAT. AOWOUWUWHUWH

whoops, forgot to write stuff here. anywaays..

So often I find myself wondering who I am. I try to find my identity in the clothes I wear, the people I call my friends, the way I talk, the way I act, the way I appear to others. It's exceedingly foolish to do so, yet it happens far too many times. This is all I need to know: that I'm a child of God's. I need nothing more. I am nothing more. Playing around with the world to find out who I am is NOT an option.

I am Christ's alone.
This is who I am forevermore.

right through my fingers

It hurts, that feeling of regret that you get after you watch an opportunity fly past, disappearing into oblivion.
I've had it bite into me too often. I'm left only to wonder what would have happened if I had chosen to take that chance. I'm left only to watch as people walk away, while friendships and relationships diminish. Sometimes I wish I would have taken those opportunities, instead of living in this.

It hurts.

I just gotta pick myself up and start doing things instead of watching idly on the sidelines. I can't do anything if I'm just dreaming. Grasp these opportunities. They're God-given, aren't they? The ones I missed - they just weren't part of God's plan. Who am I to question God's plan for me? Everything will turn out for the best in the end...right?

a heavy heart

i won’t forget that moment ever,
just us, dreaming and gazing into the sea.
i tried everything i could to make it last forever,
i held my breath, hoping that it wasn’t just a dream.

but a moment is but a moment, and a moment passes by.
i couldn’t hold it, i couldn’t make it stop in time;
it simply slips through your fingers, no matter how hard you try.
and you’re left only to wonder, afraid to open your eyes.

The End

I've been thinking about heaven--and subsequently death-- lately. I keep finding myself in the same place, asking myself how others would describe my life. Orson Scott Card's concept of a "speaker for the dead" seems to be particularly applicable here.

 "Speakers research the dead person's life and give a speech that attempts to speak for them, describing the person's life as he or she tried to live it. This speech is not given in order to persuade the audience to condemn or forgive the deceased, but rather a way to understand the person as a whole, including any flaws or misdeeds."

Would I be a selfish fool, focused only on what the things of the world has to offer, or would others see Christ first and foremost in my life? Ah, I wish so much for the latter to be true. I wish that when others look at my life they see the work of Christ in me, that I would be able to point them to Him who saved me.

If you never woke up tomorrow, what would people know your life to be? What would your "speaker" say about your life? What do you want your life to be marked by? Start now. The opportunities fly by too fast. Who knows, you might not wake up tomorrow. 


This is your life. Are you who you want to be?

to fly [or: a wish]

oh, the things I'd do, if I could fly,
to leap with grace into the sky
and simply watch the world below
just vanish while I sail on by

the million dreams that I have dreamed
could unfold one by one and seem
so easy now to grasp and hold,
no longer would I fear to dream

oh, the things I'd do, to fly away,
to drift on past another day,
if I could leave you all behind,
there would be no excuse to stay

bye-bye.

and once I'm gone, I'll never return,

for who would notice? there'd be no concern

I'll make and break friendships all over again

and laugh all the while, while watching you burn

one more

this is the last one i'll post.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”

/quote binge

just give it time

“He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.” 

always in my heart

“It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.”

start now

commitments.

hah, story of my life. commitment after commitment, responsibility after responsibility. I fail consistently at completing commitments or simply living up to responsibilities given to me. so I'll start small.

- take time out of my schedule for at least 30 minutes to read the Bible & pray.
- run at least two miles a day.
- take time to help with / cook meals.

that's it. wimpy, I know. I'll start for 30 days. hopefully my devotions won't become just a habit; I need to look forward to meeting with God.

 hoo boy.

how great is our god?

with just a word, he broke the vast expanse of silence-- forever.
with just a word, he envisioned and created life.
with just a word, he created the universe..
with just a word, he sent his son to die for us.
with just a word, he freed us all from our sins.
with just a word, he chose us to be his forever.
and with just a word, he'll come again - bringing us back to eternity.
and with just a word, he'll bring justice - bringing eternal joy and eternal agony.


this is my God. this is your God. this is our God.
this is the God who loves us. how can i even think of complaining when i see that i have a God like this?!
praise him-- oh, praise him forevermore!

so.. how great is our God?
hah, should that even be a question?

he's greater than anyone can imagine.

help..

This is getting bad.
I'm being beaten down again and again by self-pity, by constant lies, by overwhelming things to worry about.

I can't hold onto the cross like I used to. I'm losing sight of it constantly. Lies have clouded my mind and discouragement --over and over-- has taken its toll. It's hard to see God's grace in my life now. Dark thoughts have come again and again. I can't let this control me. I can't. I can't. 

I need help. I need God's help. I need your help.


Pray for me.

please.

things i just can't live without..

God.
the Cross.
the truth of the Gospel.
my Bible.
my church.
my family.
my friends.
honesty.
humility.
gratefulness.
character.
care.

^ - this is at least what i think it should look like.
what this list looks like right now?

media.
sleep.
music.
entertainment.
fun.
sleep.
attention.

more sleep.
...

My God. Just looking at that sickens me. I've got a long way to go.

Help me, Lord. I want to be a man of your calling. I want to be a man of your Word, a man of your truth. I want to be a man who can't live without you. I want to be a man who can't live without the cross.

Where are you going?

It's only a matter of time before we stand before the Judge on that day. How do our lives reflect what He has done for us on the cross..?

All I know is that I fall short of His standards, over and over again. I can't expect to do much better - heck, I'm a sinner FAR short of His glory. My life reflects a life of selfishness, of greed, and anger -- very much the opposite of the life that Christ lived. But with God's help, my life is being turned upside down - err, right-side up, rather.

But I know this: I am redeemed. I know fully well where I'm going when I die. It still amazes me that Christ would lay down His own glory and die as a man -- yet still fully God -- for mankind. This mercy that He has given us... it's no joke, and by all means, no one should treat it as a joke. We all deserve death - nothing more. He has given us life. What more can we ask for?


So what about you? What do you make of Christ? Do you know where you'll end up when you die?

woooow.

watch this.

this guy is my hero.
he's so not afraid of what others think of him, he's willing to do utterly stupid stuff (check out his other videos), and he's really not afraid of the consequences (although that should be something to worry about). he has no fear of man, and isn't afraid to be a fool.. takes guts :)

his motto? "C'est en faisant n'importe quoi qu'on devient n'importe qui" - "It's by doing whatever that you become whoever".

i want to be like him. ;P

..one of my favorite songs..

Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus) - Chris Rice

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain, so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk
Sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain, then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside, then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side, and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

this song is so encouraging - especially in a time where i've felt only darkness. may i remember that the only thing i should ever care about is Christ. everything i interact with will pass away, but Jesus stays the same, forever and ever. i pray i will be able to keep my focus on Christ only. He is my solid rock, my fortress -- the firm ground upon which i stand. oh, if only it were so easy to keep this in mind each and every day! may i die to myself, and truly live in him.

. . .

it's so hard for me to live in joy..

i find myself in a place where it's so hard to be looking to where my joy should really be coming from.

sigh.

help me, God.

this is why you don't wear underwear on your head

"I looked like an idiot standing there with a pair of whitey-tidies on my head. It was half past two, and the bus had just left. I knew no one around me, and no one around me knew me. It was a horrible experience, but I knew it was needed in order for me to grow as a ma- WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE? THIS NEVER HAPPENED, YOU MORON!!" I threw down the notebook in disgust. This was utter stupidity.
"Silence, Charles. I never said this happened. Keep reading," came a voice from the corner of the room.
"You said it was your journal!" I blurted back.
"No, it only says it on the notebook."
Sure enough, when I looked at the front of the notebook, it said "Journal" in large letters.
"Wait, so this never happened? And if it never happened, why is it in your journal?"
"I never said it was my journal. Keep reading."
I sighed. Arguing with Ivan never resulted in...anything. I would always get shot down, or it would end up being a pointless argument, usually ending with me awkwardly standing in front of him while his eyes bore into my entire being. Bah, who was I fooling anyways? I continued to read.
"Time seemed to float past me. My eyes became fluorescent blobs that bounced around my head. I couldn't seem to grasp reality-" I stopped. "IVAN, IS THIS YOUR JOURNAL OF YOU ON DRUGS??"
"How many times do I need to tell you this? This isn't my journal. Can you please just go on?"
I started to pick up the notebook again, but then the thought crossed my mind. "Wait, why exactly do you want me to read this to you?"

Ivan turned to me, his green eyes suddenly flaring red in the semi-darkness. He stood up and walked into the light.
All I could see was the scarring image... of a pair of pure-white briefs fitted masterfully upon his head.

I was lost.

be happy. OR ELSE

"this is bad," Grumpy Bear muttered under his breath. "we're never going to get anywhere with this."
suddenly out of nowhere, Cheer Bear appeared, gushing with the pure unadulterated essence of joy. "why not at all, dear! in fact, everything is going to work perfectly fine! LIFE IS GOING TO BE AMAZING!~ ♥♥♥"
"how do you know that?" came Grumpy's disgruntled voice yet again.
Grumpy Bear received a slap.
"are you really questioning me? BEHOLD! I am the Cheer Bear! how dare you challenge my words? do you think i received this rainbow upon my tummy for no reason?!" her raised voice seemed to stretch across the room, echoing time after time upon Grumpy Bear's ears. Cheer Bear herself had risen to the top of of her tippy-tippiest toes that she could raise herself upon.
but all at once, everything became hellish-- for Cheer Bear had no longer acted in a manner worthy of her calling. before her very eyes, the rainbow upon her tummy began disappearing.

her world torn apart, she ran crying from the room.
colored tears stained the new off-white carpet.

remember.

9.11.01

#neverforget

who i am

i am conceited. i am self-focused. i am vain. i am a fool. i am prone to anger. i am proud. i am not a loving person. i am mean. i am inconsiderate. i am fake. i am a hater. i am a liar. i am a luster. i am a thief. i am an idol-worshipper. i am disgusting.

...i am a sinner - a sinner in desperate need of grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

but i can also say this:

i am forgiven. i have received endless grace--grace that I do not deserve. now, what i see myself as is different than what God sees. my sins have been paid for in full upon the cross, and God no longer sees me as condemned. there is no need for me to strive for salvation. my works do nothing to free me from myself. it is through His work alone that this frail sinner can call himself redeemed.

...i am redeemed.

dream on.

even though it may seem like we can't do much about our future, there's actually quite a bit that we can do.

we can always develop skills and habits that will help us out in the future - or we can ruin our bodies and lives for the future. it's the decisions that we make today that will ultimately affect our future. in a sense, i think we do have some control over our future, even though we know that God controls the future and has good things in store for us.

it's really hard to think about the future. for me as a teen, i have plenty of years ahead of me (hopefully!). the hardest part, though, is to just give all my cares to the one who controls everything. i know it's what brings one peace, but it's just not easy at all.

but i'll do this. i'll lean on Him. i'll keep dreaming of a future --and if God wills it, it will come to pass. i'll do whatever is in my power to achieve that dream, but i'll always point to the one who really deserves all the glory. if it isn't what God wants me to do, i pray that i'll be able to take disappointment easily, that i wouldn't question His motives.

dream on.

a beacon!

school started today. well... not really, since there's only online stuff to be done. the real stuff starts next week - it'll be time to actually start organizing myself for school (although now should really be the ideal time...eheheh). but to be in a mostly secular school like this one is a perfect opportunity to really just live out the life we're called to live and to set a Godly and humble example.

i pray that in this school year i would be able to depend on God more. i pray also for my friends in this school, that they may not be overwhelmed by the work ahead of them, that they would fit in easily and quickly, that they may feel right at home.

i hope i can be an example people can look up to, christians as well as nonchristians. but the main goal by hoping that is so i can learn to be humble - and to point them not to my own glory, but to His glory alone. i pray that i can be someone can look to and see Christ in me instead of me alone.

God, i pray for your grace for this year.. i pray you'll make it fun for me, even though it'll be tough. i need you.
amen.

it's time to step it up.

today is the beginning of the rest of my life.

i can no longer sit around just dreaming of what i could or should be doing. it's about time that i get up and do something about my life. i can't let opportunities just slip away through my fingers while i just wonder about what the heck happened. i have to move on, embracing the past - but only for reversing the mistakes i made back then. the mistakes of the past are stepping stones in life. if i learn to use them to help propel my life forward, then they're mistakes well experienced. it would stink if i didn't learn anything from them.

so from here on out - with God's help - i want to be more responsible-- i will be more responsible-- in living my life. i want to live a life that's marked with faith, humility, prayer, dependence on God, responsibility, integrity, care, and good character. that's a lot of stuff to work on.. but with God, anything is possible.

a simple 'thanks'

i find that gratefulness doesn't come easily for me. like... at all. so often i just take practically everything i interact with in life for granted. i find myself making me the center of the universe, demanding that everything go the way that i want it to, without even caring about others along the way. it's wrong. it's sooo wrong.

i need to make others my focus, second to the truth of the Gospel. i need to be able to be grateful for everyone in my life, no matter what happens. i think it is this that is making part of my life quite miserable. living in a selfish world isn't going to produce joy.

just start with a simple thanks and then move on from there.

so.. thanks. thanks, God, for being my heavenly father. thank you for dying the death that i deserved. thank you family for loving nurturing me although i don't even deserve the love you show me at times. thank you friends, for putting up with me, for laughing with me - and probably at me as well, and for sharing your lives with me.

thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

just overflowing.. with love..

loving people is heck-a-hard. contrary to what the popular culture likes to put up front, love is no easy thing. i don't mean just romantic relationships - i mean loving one another as people, as friends, as family members, as Christians. it's.. hard. whether it's obeying your parents with a cheerful heart, relating with your friends and siblings with true brotherly / sisterly love, or your just loving your to-be-spouse, everyone knows that it's not easy. well... i dont think it was meant to be easy.

i'm reminded of one of the seminars that was taught by Mr. Machowski at yc'09. he taught that Christian love is one-sided. one-sided as in loving without expecting love in return. 1 John 4:19 - 'We love because he first loved us.' God's love is--or at least should be-- our reason for loving one another. just think. for He so loved the world, that He gave His only son. He sacrificed His ONLY son! that.. that's a lot of love for a fallen race - even knowing that some of them would still reject his open arms. Jesus lived an unselfish life, loving those he came to die for, even those who had him crucified. what selfless love!! to love even your worst enemies - it must have been tough, looking into their eyes while they jeered at him hanging on the cross. all he said was, 'father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.' wow.

-

His love is definitely a good motivation for loving one another, but it's so hard for me to keep that in mind when relating with my family. it's so hard for me to love one-sided, not expecting anything in return. it's so hard especially without depending on God's strength to aid me. i've been lacking this sense of faith where i turn to God in areas that i think are petty. i guess to God, nothing in our lives are petty to him. if he would send his only son to free us from the bondage to sin, what's there to say that he won't help us in our daily struggles? gah - i wish i could think like this every moment, but i don't.

God, help me. i need you. help me to love my brothers and my sister unselfishly. help me to be patient. help me reflect the life lived by your son - help me live to love without demanding or expecting anything in return.

♪ LALALALLA LALLA NAANANAN YAYYA♫

wahaaaa. i really like singing. i only wish that i had started at a younger age. three or four years ago, i absolutely hated music. i hated how my brothers were seemingly obsessed with different artists, songs, genres, etc. i even vowed that i would never be like them. i didn't listen to any music at all, meaning that i didn't even try to sing - aside from on sunday mornings.

looking back, i can only laugh at myself. i regret not giving this voice more practice. we are called to lift up our voices in praise to the Lord, and although i love singing random songs, my main goal in using my vocal cords should be to lift up His name. i'm glad that i now enjoy music - it seems silly to think that i would have ever thought that music was dumb. blaaaagh. how dumb of me! it makes me really happy to sing, now that my voice is getting better. i need to make it a priority for me to make Him happy through my voice & the music i make.

God, thank you for this gift of music. it's awesome. ;)

nonononononono

next week is school.

three months seems like so long when coming out of school, but now that we're just about done with summer, it feels like it just got whisked away.
i feel like i haven't really done much this summer, but i shouldn't really say that. i know i certainly wasted a lot of time sleeping and doing pointless things.
so what did i do over this summer?

-i've been stuck doing coursework from last year's school year that really should have been finished during the school year. bleh, not pretty. (not exactly the funnest thing to do during the summer, but it's what i've been doing)
-rediscovered friends from covfel that i haven't talked to in a while since going to scholars. it's been fun hanging out with them :)
-worked, got money :]
-made plenty of new friends
-met God at YC in several ways, and am trying to continue spending time with Him daily.
-started this blog
-redid my room completely
-restarted my attempts at drawing
-restarted P90x...5 times..
-a lot of other less important things that aren't really worth putting up here

it's been a short summer. blah, i hope i can pull off more next year.
either that, or see if i can double what i've done so far in this week. muahahahaaa...

love ballads, synchronized dancing, weird personalities, harmonies, a guy singing about a girl that they all apparently share... = boyband.

soo.. i'm starting a boyband. mwahaha, it's gonna be wickedly fun. ...as long as it actually gets started. there also seems to be a lack of boyband-like guys in Covfel. it's a great pity :( but maybe i won't need boyband-like guys, because i'm an asian guy. asian guys don't make boybands unless they do so with other asian guys. take korean boybands for instance. they're ALL asian guys. okay, that was a pointless example. moving on... so what i guess i'm trying to say is that this band won't be an average boyband (are any boybands average at all? hmmm), but we'll do what works and work with what we have working.

of course, we have to choose whether we want to be the 'bad boys' or the sappy long-faced momma's boys who sing about long-lost love.
HMMM...

what should we be?

this ain't the end of the line, son.

i've been feeling really discouraged and down lately, and i'm not even sure why. it's at moments like these that i feel that praising and rejoicing in God (although that's what my goal should be) is just the last thing i want to do. it's so hard to be grateful for the life that i've been given, whereas it's so easy to go 'f(orget)ml' and just mope around. it's times like these where Christ's cross becomes so small to me, quite the opposite of what i fight for when in times of joy. it's times like these when i just give up hope completely, forgetting my identity in Christ.

but it's also times like these when i NEED to keep my eyes on what matters most. He's the one who will pick me up and put me back on my feet - he'll help me up again when i admit defeat. even though i feel down, beaten, bruised, and worn, i know that this isn't the end of my story. i have someone who WILL be there for me even if i feel lonesome. i WILL have hope in my savior, for this doesn't end here. now isn't forever.

so even though all i see right now is depressing stuff, i know that there is hope. there's hope in the gospel, because 1. i don't deserve to live this life i'm living, but.. 2. He has given me a life to live that i'm now living. i need to turn my eyes on Him and His saving work on the cross, and all the while, keep these words repeating in my head:

there.
is.
hope.

haikus.

two of my siblings like haikus. very much. so this is for them.

the moon is hidden
veiled by dark and misty clouds
its face is no more

alas, it is gone
its round and bright face has sunk
the night is over

the sad silence reigns
and all is still, but behold -
the sun arises!

the rays break through clouds
stirring life and giving hope
awake, o sleeper!

what kind of legacy are you going to leave behind?

some eight or nine years ago, i used to look at the teenagers at covfel on sunday mornings and at what is now known as compass, and i would just be in awe. they were so cool, so big (like the i-can-beat-you-to-crap-you-little-squirt kinda big that was o so very intimidating for a short and puny asian child like me at the time), so tall, and so Godly (i didn't exactly know the true meaning of that back then, but i now know that most of them have set great examples that they still live out today). they left a huge impression on me, just an eight year-old kid. i wanted to be like them, but i thought to myself that it would take forever to even reach that age and time of life.

well, here i am, going into my third year of highschool. it felt like forever to get to this stage, but looking back, it feels just like a blink of an eye. but now i'm only two years from heading to college. i'm practically just like one of those teenagers i wanted to be like (but not necessarily as cool, big, tall, and Godly ;)).

realizing this shocked me. it made me think - are there kids who--just like me those eight years ago-- are watching me and my grade and how we live out our lives? if so, are we setting a good & Godly example for them to look up to? that struck me, and it struck me hard. if anything, it would appear that i'm living for myself - certainly something i wouldn't want a young child to take as an example. i'll be a senior soon, and it'll be a perfect opportunity to set a Godly example for the lower grades to follow. i want to --i need to-- live a life magnifying Christ's saving work on the cross out of my gratefulness, primarily so that God is glorified, but also so that others may benefit from the emphasis on what Jesus has done. kids shouldn't think of me and my friends as mere teenagers. no, they should see Christ first and foremost in our lives, and then see us as who we are.

so what - or who - are you living for? kids are watching, whether you want to admit it or not. when you die, will you be remembered as someone who lived for yourself, or will you be known as someone who lived for Christ? are you setting an example that is God-glorifying or self-glorifying? kids aren't always going to look up to their parents as their examples (which they should, of course); as they are shaped as individuals, a great part of them growing up is watching older kids and their peers, subsequently copying and taking in attitudes, habits, etc. from those examples. we need to set humble and Godly examples for these boys and girls - they are our future. we can be a part of shaping that future; let's show them that it can be cool to follow Christ. let's show them that it can be cool to talk about Godly things. let's show them that it's an important thing to not be focused only on ourselves. let's live God-glorifying lives, not just for them, but also more importantly, for us.

♥

you. are. gorgeous.
yes, you. you're beautiful. don't let anyone tell you otherwise. don't think about how you can look better. don't ever tell yourself that you don't look good enough. God made you the way you are, and he considers each one of us as part of his beautiful creation. He has hand-crafted you to be the person that you are, to look the way that you do. we are all blessed to have beautiful bodies that serve us the way that He has planned. ...so rejoice in the fact that above everyone else's opinions and above all, there is one whom considers you to be the most beautiful of His creations.

:)

here or there? theirs or His?

Matthew 6:19-21 says,
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

i love the attention i get from others. why? it's because i love myself so much that i just need others' approval of me so that i can feel better about myself. i am sickened by it. i somehow 'need' the good opinion of others. hah, you know what i really need? someone to smack me upside the head, telling me to get my priorities straight, because what good will the fact that someone thinks that i'm cool or not do when i stand before the holy judge on that final day? why should i be puffed up by the compliments of men when it's God's opinion that ultimately matters?
*note, i don't think that acknowledging the compliments and opinions from others is entirely bad - it's just when you're focused on bringing yourself glory through them that it isn't right.
also, i'm reminded of a verse from Ecclesiastes that a dear friend is oddly obsessed with - "all is vanity". it speaks the truth. there's nothing on this earth that will satisfy us, as King Solomon sadly discovered. there's nothing here, but there's everything in heaven. what we have now is only given to us temporarily from God, but everything will eventually fade away. so back to the verse in Matthew 6...where do you lay up your treasures?

it is my prayer that i don't store up the compliments of others in order to pride and glorify myself in them. i pray that i would be focused on what God makes of me instead of others' opinions. i pray that i will strive to point others to Christ for his work of grace in my life instead of taking the credit for myself-- that would be disgustingly selfish and wrong. i pray that instead of laying up earthly treasures, i would instead strive to invest in the things of

i want to challenge you. here's a couple questions for you. you don't have to answer it specifically as a comment - you can just think about them.
where's your focus? where is your treasure? where is your heart dwelling? in the opinion of man--which only lasts for one lifetime, or in God's opinion, which will determine your eternal fate?
i certainly fail at keeping my eyes on the one goal that's worth it. i find myself day to day just looking for a way to get myself accepted and/or approved by others, and it's disgusting.
give me more of your grace, Lord. i need it.

pain. ouch. it hurts. but you know what hurts? this world.

i cut myself multiple times (on accident. don't judge me. haha) while at work today.
the sensation of pain reminded me of what kind of a world we live in-- a fallen world marred by sin. we can't escape pain nor sin, not while we're still on this earth. but that's not only what pain reminds me of. it also reminds me of a more promising future, of a life without pain, where we won't know what suffering is - aside from remembering Christ's own suffering in our place. pain is one of the ways that can help us look forward to what we have in store for us.
our minds shouldn't dwell on the discomfort that pain brings us - instead, we should dwell on what life will be like in eternity.

it's an old and dying world that we live in. come any day, Jesus. i do want to have a future on earth, but this glorious future awaiting for me is way better than anything i'll ever experience here.

--

checkout:
Hebrews 11:1, Romans 8:24, 2 Corinthians 4:18, 2 Corinthians 5:7

the school year is upon us. FLEEEE

alas. we must face the difficult truth - that the summer is coming to an end, and school once again must rise to take over our daily lives...for the next 9 months or so.

this summer has been a blast. even though i've just come off from a poor year of school, it gave me the rest, joy, and friendships that i need.

this coming year will be tough. it'll be my junior year, i'll have to take PSATs (o what fun), lead my school's interact club, choose whether to do drama for the third year in the row, and i'll have to step up my discipline & time management skills -- things that have killed me year after year. now i gotta be serious about what i plan to do in the future. i can't just sit back and let the future pull me along; i want to chase what i dream of doing, but ultimately i need to allow God to dictate my next moves. with two years of school left before heading out to college, it seems like i have plenty of time. haha, no. no one has plenty of time. time slips away like a wet mouse going down a pvc pipe.. and it never comes back. each freaking minute counts.


well aside from that.. here's what i plan on doing.
coming from a family of engineers, it's obvious what my parents would like me to do. i'm thinking mainly mechanical engineering, so i can be an eventual use to my future wife (if i do get married- and i really want to. sigh). however, i'm also thinking of joining the US Marines ROTC, being able to study while also training to be an officer. it's not an easy decision - it will require discipline of the highest quality, time management, leadership and communication skills, physical, emotional, and mental strength, and a right attitude. who knows if i'll actually join the Marines. my future's not in my own hands - it's in God's hands, and there's not really much i can do to change what he has in mind.

i'll miss this summer & all the time i've spent with friends.
come on, school year. let's do this.

youthcamp 2010

so what was youthcamp 2010 like?

well... it was a GREAT week of experiencing God, bonding with friends & making new ones, team unity & spirit, laughter, running around, aimless entertainment, obnoxiousness, prayer, countless competitions, chicken-wing eating, vuvuzelas, Schwed-time stories, joy, fearless leaders, squishy blue bears, awesome teams, selfless servants (thanks parents & admin teams!), rapping, camp food (not sure if i want to call this great...), MEMORIES, and last but certainly not least -- God's goodness each day of the week that we had together, especially during the ministry times.

haha, there's not much more that i can say about youthcamp 2010. we truly are blessed to be able to spend such a quality time together with one another and with God. time and time again He has shown his goodness to us, sinners who don't deserve anything. God has shown me areas of sin that have been hiding within me for a while-- areas of sickening pride, self-focused-ness, and my self-righteousness. He answered my prayers for others and for myself; He was faithful (and remains faithful) in pointing out places where i am weak and in need of him.
God. is. good.

this year has been my favorite so far. aside from encountering God's movement, i'm proud to say that i have been on theee BEST team EVER. i honestly would not have traded it for any other. hah, i don't care that we didn't beast all the games and competitions - we had a great time together just as a team, in our attitudes, in relating to one another, in serving one another. it was a pure encouragement to not hear any complaining, to see guys and girls alike trudge through thick and thin. haha, i'll miss blue team '10. thanks for a great year. it'll only get better as time goes on. just gotta keep the attitude right. ;)

an introduction

hello!

before everything begins, let me start by thanking you, dear reader, for actually taking the time to check out this assortment of thoughts (or whatever it eventually becomes).

about me..
first and foremost, i'm a sinner in need of grace. thanks to God's immense love and care for me, he has given me hope and a savior that i can place my trust in.

i have an awesome family and great friends that i love. i enjoy breakdancing (or at least trying to breakdance...and subsequently failing miserably haha), singing, hanging out with friends, playing sports, nightgames, and running around in the rain. [i'm also asian, so don't be surprised by random asian stuff. bahahah...]

so what should you expect from this blog?
this blog is going to be devoted to recording encounters with God, feelings, thoughts, struggles, prayers, and events in my daily life. expect a journal of sorts. ;)

i think that's it for now. let's see how it turns out. :)