nonononononono

next week is school.

three months seems like so long when coming out of school, but now that we're just about done with summer, it feels like it just got whisked away.
i feel like i haven't really done much this summer, but i shouldn't really say that. i know i certainly wasted a lot of time sleeping and doing pointless things.
so what did i do over this summer?

-i've been stuck doing coursework from last year's school year that really should have been finished during the school year. bleh, not pretty. (not exactly the funnest thing to do during the summer, but it's what i've been doing)
-rediscovered friends from covfel that i haven't talked to in a while since going to scholars. it's been fun hanging out with them :)
-worked, got money :]
-made plenty of new friends
-met God at YC in several ways, and am trying to continue spending time with Him daily.
-started this blog
-redid my room completely
-restarted my attempts at drawing
-restarted P90x...5 times..
-a lot of other less important things that aren't really worth putting up here

it's been a short summer. blah, i hope i can pull off more next year.
either that, or see if i can double what i've done so far in this week. muahahahaaa...

love ballads, synchronized dancing, weird personalities, harmonies, a guy singing about a girl that they all apparently share... = boyband.

soo.. i'm starting a boyband. mwahaha, it's gonna be wickedly fun. ...as long as it actually gets started. there also seems to be a lack of boyband-like guys in Covfel. it's a great pity :( but maybe i won't need boyband-like guys, because i'm an asian guy. asian guys don't make boybands unless they do so with other asian guys. take korean boybands for instance. they're ALL asian guys. okay, that was a pointless example. moving on... so what i guess i'm trying to say is that this band won't be an average boyband (are any boybands average at all? hmmm), but we'll do what works and work with what we have working.

of course, we have to choose whether we want to be the 'bad boys' or the sappy long-faced momma's boys who sing about long-lost love.
HMMM...

what should we be?

this ain't the end of the line, son.

i've been feeling really discouraged and down lately, and i'm not even sure why. it's at moments like these that i feel that praising and rejoicing in God (although that's what my goal should be) is just the last thing i want to do. it's so hard to be grateful for the life that i've been given, whereas it's so easy to go 'f(orget)ml' and just mope around. it's times like these where Christ's cross becomes so small to me, quite the opposite of what i fight for when in times of joy. it's times like these when i just give up hope completely, forgetting my identity in Christ.

but it's also times like these when i NEED to keep my eyes on what matters most. He's the one who will pick me up and put me back on my feet - he'll help me up again when i admit defeat. even though i feel down, beaten, bruised, and worn, i know that this isn't the end of my story. i have someone who WILL be there for me even if i feel lonesome. i WILL have hope in my savior, for this doesn't end here. now isn't forever.

so even though all i see right now is depressing stuff, i know that there is hope. there's hope in the gospel, because 1. i don't deserve to live this life i'm living, but.. 2. He has given me a life to live that i'm now living. i need to turn my eyes on Him and His saving work on the cross, and all the while, keep these words repeating in my head:

there.
is.
hope.

haikus.

two of my siblings like haikus. very much. so this is for them.

the moon is hidden
veiled by dark and misty clouds
its face is no more

alas, it is gone
its round and bright face has sunk
the night is over

the sad silence reigns
and all is still, but behold -
the sun arises!

the rays break through clouds
stirring life and giving hope
awake, o sleeper!

what kind of legacy are you going to leave behind?

some eight or nine years ago, i used to look at the teenagers at covfel on sunday mornings and at what is now known as compass, and i would just be in awe. they were so cool, so big (like the i-can-beat-you-to-crap-you-little-squirt kinda big that was o so very intimidating for a short and puny asian child like me at the time), so tall, and so Godly (i didn't exactly know the true meaning of that back then, but i now know that most of them have set great examples that they still live out today). they left a huge impression on me, just an eight year-old kid. i wanted to be like them, but i thought to myself that it would take forever to even reach that age and time of life.

well, here i am, going into my third year of highschool. it felt like forever to get to this stage, but looking back, it feels just like a blink of an eye. but now i'm only two years from heading to college. i'm practically just like one of those teenagers i wanted to be like (but not necessarily as cool, big, tall, and Godly ;)).

realizing this shocked me. it made me think - are there kids who--just like me those eight years ago-- are watching me and my grade and how we live out our lives? if so, are we setting a good & Godly example for them to look up to? that struck me, and it struck me hard. if anything, it would appear that i'm living for myself - certainly something i wouldn't want a young child to take as an example. i'll be a senior soon, and it'll be a perfect opportunity to set a Godly example for the lower grades to follow. i want to --i need to-- live a life magnifying Christ's saving work on the cross out of my gratefulness, primarily so that God is glorified, but also so that others may benefit from the emphasis on what Jesus has done. kids shouldn't think of me and my friends as mere teenagers. no, they should see Christ first and foremost in our lives, and then see us as who we are.

so what - or who - are you living for? kids are watching, whether you want to admit it or not. when you die, will you be remembered as someone who lived for yourself, or will you be known as someone who lived for Christ? are you setting an example that is God-glorifying or self-glorifying? kids aren't always going to look up to their parents as their examples (which they should, of course); as they are shaped as individuals, a great part of them growing up is watching older kids and their peers, subsequently copying and taking in attitudes, habits, etc. from those examples. we need to set humble and Godly examples for these boys and girls - they are our future. we can be a part of shaping that future; let's show them that it can be cool to follow Christ. let's show them that it can be cool to talk about Godly things. let's show them that it's an important thing to not be focused only on ourselves. let's live God-glorifying lives, not just for them, but also more importantly, for us.

♥

you. are. gorgeous.
yes, you. you're beautiful. don't let anyone tell you otherwise. don't think about how you can look better. don't ever tell yourself that you don't look good enough. God made you the way you are, and he considers each one of us as part of his beautiful creation. He has hand-crafted you to be the person that you are, to look the way that you do. we are all blessed to have beautiful bodies that serve us the way that He has planned. ...so rejoice in the fact that above everyone else's opinions and above all, there is one whom considers you to be the most beautiful of His creations.

:)

here or there? theirs or His?

Matthew 6:19-21 says,
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

i love the attention i get from others. why? it's because i love myself so much that i just need others' approval of me so that i can feel better about myself. i am sickened by it. i somehow 'need' the good opinion of others. hah, you know what i really need? someone to smack me upside the head, telling me to get my priorities straight, because what good will the fact that someone thinks that i'm cool or not do when i stand before the holy judge on that final day? why should i be puffed up by the compliments of men when it's God's opinion that ultimately matters?
*note, i don't think that acknowledging the compliments and opinions from others is entirely bad - it's just when you're focused on bringing yourself glory through them that it isn't right.
also, i'm reminded of a verse from Ecclesiastes that a dear friend is oddly obsessed with - "all is vanity". it speaks the truth. there's nothing on this earth that will satisfy us, as King Solomon sadly discovered. there's nothing here, but there's everything in heaven. what we have now is only given to us temporarily from God, but everything will eventually fade away. so back to the verse in Matthew 6...where do you lay up your treasures?

it is my prayer that i don't store up the compliments of others in order to pride and glorify myself in them. i pray that i would be focused on what God makes of me instead of others' opinions. i pray that i will strive to point others to Christ for his work of grace in my life instead of taking the credit for myself-- that would be disgustingly selfish and wrong. i pray that instead of laying up earthly treasures, i would instead strive to invest in the things of

i want to challenge you. here's a couple questions for you. you don't have to answer it specifically as a comment - you can just think about them.
where's your focus? where is your treasure? where is your heart dwelling? in the opinion of man--which only lasts for one lifetime, or in God's opinion, which will determine your eternal fate?
i certainly fail at keeping my eyes on the one goal that's worth it. i find myself day to day just looking for a way to get myself accepted and/or approved by others, and it's disgusting.
give me more of your grace, Lord. i need it.

pain. ouch. it hurts. but you know what hurts? this world.

i cut myself multiple times (on accident. don't judge me. haha) while at work today.
the sensation of pain reminded me of what kind of a world we live in-- a fallen world marred by sin. we can't escape pain nor sin, not while we're still on this earth. but that's not only what pain reminds me of. it also reminds me of a more promising future, of a life without pain, where we won't know what suffering is - aside from remembering Christ's own suffering in our place. pain is one of the ways that can help us look forward to what we have in store for us.
our minds shouldn't dwell on the discomfort that pain brings us - instead, we should dwell on what life will be like in eternity.

it's an old and dying world that we live in. come any day, Jesus. i do want to have a future on earth, but this glorious future awaiting for me is way better than anything i'll ever experience here.

--

checkout:
Hebrews 11:1, Romans 8:24, 2 Corinthians 4:18, 2 Corinthians 5:7

the school year is upon us. FLEEEE

alas. we must face the difficult truth - that the summer is coming to an end, and school once again must rise to take over our daily lives...for the next 9 months or so.

this summer has been a blast. even though i've just come off from a poor year of school, it gave me the rest, joy, and friendships that i need.

this coming year will be tough. it'll be my junior year, i'll have to take PSATs (o what fun), lead my school's interact club, choose whether to do drama for the third year in the row, and i'll have to step up my discipline & time management skills -- things that have killed me year after year. now i gotta be serious about what i plan to do in the future. i can't just sit back and let the future pull me along; i want to chase what i dream of doing, but ultimately i need to allow God to dictate my next moves. with two years of school left before heading out to college, it seems like i have plenty of time. haha, no. no one has plenty of time. time slips away like a wet mouse going down a pvc pipe.. and it never comes back. each freaking minute counts.


well aside from that.. here's what i plan on doing.
coming from a family of engineers, it's obvious what my parents would like me to do. i'm thinking mainly mechanical engineering, so i can be an eventual use to my future wife (if i do get married- and i really want to. sigh). however, i'm also thinking of joining the US Marines ROTC, being able to study while also training to be an officer. it's not an easy decision - it will require discipline of the highest quality, time management, leadership and communication skills, physical, emotional, and mental strength, and a right attitude. who knows if i'll actually join the Marines. my future's not in my own hands - it's in God's hands, and there's not really much i can do to change what he has in mind.

i'll miss this summer & all the time i've spent with friends.
come on, school year. let's do this.

youthcamp 2010

so what was youthcamp 2010 like?

well... it was a GREAT week of experiencing God, bonding with friends & making new ones, team unity & spirit, laughter, running around, aimless entertainment, obnoxiousness, prayer, countless competitions, chicken-wing eating, vuvuzelas, Schwed-time stories, joy, fearless leaders, squishy blue bears, awesome teams, selfless servants (thanks parents & admin teams!), rapping, camp food (not sure if i want to call this great...), MEMORIES, and last but certainly not least -- God's goodness each day of the week that we had together, especially during the ministry times.

haha, there's not much more that i can say about youthcamp 2010. we truly are blessed to be able to spend such a quality time together with one another and with God. time and time again He has shown his goodness to us, sinners who don't deserve anything. God has shown me areas of sin that have been hiding within me for a while-- areas of sickening pride, self-focused-ness, and my self-righteousness. He answered my prayers for others and for myself; He was faithful (and remains faithful) in pointing out places where i am weak and in need of him.
God. is. good.

this year has been my favorite so far. aside from encountering God's movement, i'm proud to say that i have been on theee BEST team EVER. i honestly would not have traded it for any other. hah, i don't care that we didn't beast all the games and competitions - we had a great time together just as a team, in our attitudes, in relating to one another, in serving one another. it was a pure encouragement to not hear any complaining, to see guys and girls alike trudge through thick and thin. haha, i'll miss blue team '10. thanks for a great year. it'll only get better as time goes on. just gotta keep the attitude right. ;)

an introduction

hello!

before everything begins, let me start by thanking you, dear reader, for actually taking the time to check out this assortment of thoughts (or whatever it eventually becomes).

about me..
first and foremost, i'm a sinner in need of grace. thanks to God's immense love and care for me, he has given me hope and a savior that i can place my trust in.

i have an awesome family and great friends that i love. i enjoy breakdancing (or at least trying to breakdance...and subsequently failing miserably haha), singing, hanging out with friends, playing sports, nightgames, and running around in the rain. [i'm also asian, so don't be surprised by random asian stuff. bahahah...]

so what should you expect from this blog?
this blog is going to be devoted to recording encounters with God, feelings, thoughts, struggles, prayers, and events in my daily life. expect a journal of sorts. ;)

i think that's it for now. let's see how it turns out. :)